You ever have those moments when you need to do something just for yourself? It could be going to get your nails done or treating yourself to a little shopping or even just getting some Starbucks. My boudoir shoot was mine.
It was the day after I ended things with the guy I was dating. I had just had a ROUGH 24 hours. I was doing my normal scrolling through Instagram and stumbled upon a post from my friend saying that two of her girlfriends were hosting a Boudoir Pop Up that coming Sunday and the kicker...it was only 40 bucks!!
Now I have always wanted to do a Boudoir Shoot. Working in the wedding industry I loved the idea of my future brides wearing their skivvies and taking sexy pictures for their husband to be. But I wasn’t getting married. I wasn’t even in a relationship. But I knew this was something I had to do for me.
I needed a way to celebrate my body, my womanhood, and myself. And this was a perfect way to do so. But don’t get me wrong I was SO nervous! I am currently at the largest size I have been probably in my whole life. And while I don’t try to focus on that on my day to day, most of the time I pride myself in dressing in a way that accentuates the parts of myself that I like and hiding the parts that I don’t. But it’s kind of hard to hide those parts in skimpy underwear. I wondered if I would even like any of the pictures once I saw them and resigned to the fact that if I didn’t, the shoot only cost $40 so it wouldn’t be a big deal if it didn’t go well.
I arrived at the beautiful mansion in Roland Park after just getting my makeup done because I look for any excuse to get my face beat. (Thanks Latonya of Made Up My Grind ;-) I spoke with the photographer and shoot producer about what I was trying to accomplish (to that question I had no clue) and I immediately started to feel more at ease. I mean this wasn’t my first time in front of a camera. I love doing photo shoots. It’s the Attention Whore Aries in me, I guess. I went upstairs to change my clothes and it was game on.
Charley and Cortney made me feel so comfortable. I felt beautiful. I felt powerful. I truly felt like a rose goddess. And as much as I attribute that comfortability to my surroundings, I need to attribute it to myself. I was brave enough to do this and put it out for the world to see. I was strong enough to use the hurt I felt that week and channel it towards something amazing. My body may have gone through a lot of changes this past year but my spirit has gone through even more. I am learning to embrace every part of myself. The good, the bad and the ugly. And more importantly love all those parts. People always say “oh I wish I had your confidence, Alexis.” “I could never post pictures of myself like that.” And I would say the same things a few years ago too. The journey to body confidence and self love is not an easy one. It’s a journey I am far from completing. I truly think it is something I work on and choose to work on everyday.